Discipline

Everyone says that toddlers go through the "terrible twos." I always assumed that this started when the kid was around two years old. Asha, on the other hand, seems to have started her tantrums at around 13 months. At first we tried placating her. Then some gentle scolding. But it did not work. Finally, we took to reading everything we found on whining and tantrums. In the last couple of weeks, our discipline method seems to be working - finally!!

This is what we do. Unless she is doing something that can hurt her, we try not to raise our voice. We firmly say "no" but without yelling. Often this requires us to get down to her level and force her to look at us while we say it, otherwise she would just ignore us and keep going. When she is at the "throw myself on the ground and cry" stage of a tantrum, we merely walk away. If this happens in public, we remove her from the situation immediately. And if she insists on repeating the bad behavior more than three times, we put her in timeout - for about a minute. All of this without yelling. After she calms down, we try to sit her down and explain the reasons for our actions.

Consistency seems to be key here. Repeat, repeat, repeat!!! We also let her make her own choices on things which are not important to us and we have Asha-proofed the house in a way that minimizes conflict (as Gregg says, there is baby-proofing and then there is Asha-proofing). This includes removing almost all furniture except a couch from our living room.

This style has been working (we think and hope). But it is exhausting. It requires constant attention and certainly cannot be done while looking up from a book or from making dinner. At the end of even a good day, I wish there was an easier way. But Gregg has been reading a book called Bringing Up Bebe (I just started it) and we do like some of the precepts in it very much - some, not all!! I will write more about it when I am done with it but one of the main points it makes is that children have to be family-centric instead of parents being kid-centric. In other words, if children are taught that they are the center of the universe (not in the emotional sense but in the sense that everyone will drop everything for their momentary gratification), they will behave accordingly. If they are taught that they are all part of a mutually supportive family, they will also tailor their behavior to that expectation. Therefore, the French apparently think less about "discipline" and more about "education" broadly conceived.

Do your kids whine or throw tantrums? How often? How do you handle it?

Caving in – and joining Facebook

After my rants against Facebook, I have finally thrown in the towel and signed up for it. I talked to Stacie about it and was surprised when she said she had joined it. Stacie also enumerated the positives: you can contact all the people you have lost touch with, you tend to talk to people more than you otherwise would and just reading their pages keeps you in touch with others. This got me thinking about it more than usual. Then, she sent me an email today with the message that I should join Facebook to keep an eye on Gregg – his marital status does not say “Married”!!!! Well, since Gregg does not even add his own friends (I do it for him), I was not worried but I finally decided to jump into the fray. So at 7am this morning, I joined.

However, I have checked it incessantly since then. I have spent 4 hours on Facebook today – I did not even bother to prep for my Intro to AP class. So, anyone who is like me (with an easily addicted personality) – BEWARE!!!! It is addictive. On the other hand, I enjoyed myself. I have reconnected with at least 4 friends who I have not talked to in years. It is so nice to hear their news. Plus, I have exchanged emails with tons of others – very funny emails at that!!!

So, what does this say about me? First, I clearly lack will-power. In spite of having tons of good reasons for not joining, I joined regardless. Second, I am never on the cutting edge of technology. I shy away from it until it becomes a phenomenon and then give in to it. I came into blogging late and to Facebook late for that reason. Third, as I said before, I get easily addicted. Lastly, I am a joiner, a member of the masses, a person with a mob mentality. I am a follower. If others do it, I tend to join in.

Wow!!! Joining Facebook clearly shows off some of my worst qualities.

___________________________

In Other News:

Fall Break: This is fall break which means I have Monday and Tuesday off. Though it will be very busy (I have to grade 80 exams, prep for next week and work on my tragedy chapter) at least I can work from home.

Midterm Evals: I did midterm evals in my classes and got solid 8s and 9s (out of 10 points) for all my classes. My Introduction to Political Theory class was the worst – have to work harder to make that entertaining. Problem is, I think it is entertaining and thought-provoking – my students do not.

Email Addiction

I realized this last night: I have an email addiction. I am addicted to email in two ways: first, I have way too many email accounts and second, I check email too often. Part of my fidgety personality, no doubt.

I realized this when UVA sent us an email saying that we have to migrate our UVA accounts to either Google or Microsoft. I was immediately intrigued and since I have both a Hotmail account and a Gmail account, found it very hard to decide between them. Finally I decided on Gmail. Then I spent an entire evening not only setting up my new UVA gmail account but setting up Gregg’s as well. It will be cool to IM from the UVA email though.

Just to show how addicted I am to email, I have emails with the following: gmail (two emails with Gmail – one UVA and one personal), AOL, Hotmail, Hampden-Sydney and now a new one for Millersville. And I check them all.

It is strange the stuff you can be addicted to. I was addicted to coffee but I kicked that habit once I realized how addicted I was. I simply decided one day to stop drinking it and now only drink a cup a day. Yet, while I am concerned that I am addicted to email, I feel no desire to cut down on my accounts (or even forward messages from one account to another). Other than wasting time, what harm can it do?

Are any of you addicted to email? Or any other addictions you want to confess to?

What are Your Vices?

The biggest changes in one’s life can be the ones that people make to their own lives and characters. These are the most difficult changes to make and therefore, even the smallest one can seem more significant than an external life-event. For instance, when I was much younger, I used to bite my nails a lot (I still do it but only when I am nervous). Changing that (and I have not fully succeeded obviously) was extremely difficult – and therefore, seemed like a major accomplishment!! Anyway, this post was triggered by a very funny article by P.J. O’Rourke in The Weekly Standard. Here it is: http://www.weeklystandard.com/Utilities/printer_preview.asp?idArticle=14949&R=13A16D2A5

It is also available on Arts and Letters Daily (http://aldaily.com/) if you cannot get it from the link above.

The article has a funny take on the Vatican’s recently announced new list of Seven Deadly Sins. The old sins (Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth) still exist but the modern world now has seven, more modern sins:
· Drug abuse,
· Morally debatable experimentation
· Environmental pollution
· Causing poverty
· Social inequality and injustice
· Genetic manipulation
· Accumulating excessive wealth

My take is similar to that of O’Rourke – these new sins do not carry quite the same amount of moral weight with me which the past sins did. As this blog is meant to explain, I feel quite sin-free by the new standards and much more sinful by the old standards. Let me explain why:

· I have never “abused” anything – even drugs.
· I am pretty sure that I have not engaged in “morally debatable experimentation.”
· About environmental pollution, I order plastic, not paper at the grocery store. Am I going to hell?
· Pretty sure I have not caused anyone to be poor. I have never failed to pay anyone what I owe them (except credit card companies). Though if you believe that every legal immigrant takes a job which a U.S. citizen needs, then maybe I have “caused poverty”!!!
· Social inequality and injustice – I do not think I am propagating this.
· Genetic manipulation – no.
· No one can accuse me of accumulating excessive wealth – even with a modest definition of “excessive”.

Yet, I find a lot of the “old” vices in me – and more besides. Here are some that concern me most:

1. Sloth: While procrastination is not necessarily sloth, it can come close. When you have things to do and refuse to do them because you do not want to, what is it but sloth? Unfortunately, I am neither great at relaxing nor at working and am forever stuck in the middle of the two. Plus, I never exercise even when I know I should.
2. Gluttony: As most of you know, I do not care what I eat. I eat what I want. It is not quantity but the type of food that makes me a glutton. While I have been better about eating vegetables in the year since Gregg and I got married, I still eat apple pie or cake for dinner and sometimes as snacks.
3. Pride: I do not think I am a proud person – I do not think that what I do can change the world. But I can be competitive sometimes and what can that come from but pride?
4. Weak: I am very immature when dealing with people. My desire to be liked often prevents me from saying what I think. Plus, I am terrified that I will hurt someone’s feelings. This is a peculiar trait for a person like me who is usually so blunt to people she knows. It also makes me a total pushover sometimes.
5. Lack of Acceptance and Control Freak: I am a control freak about everything and worse, I cannot accept that I may lack control over certain aspects of life. Therefore, I stress about everything whether I can control it or not. Thus, my job search was an absolutely awful time of my life. I wish I could learn acceptance.

These are the aspects of my character I wish to change. Anyone want to share what they want to change about themselves?