Asha Alexandra Lindskog was born on Oct. 24th, 2010. In the last eight months, I have learnt many lessons. But everyone tells you the lessons that kids teach you and I will do so at some other time. For now I want to focus on the two habits that Asha is teaching me to unlearn.

1. MULTI-TASKING: I have always been a multi-tasker. I do two things at the same time all the time. Literally. I read email while watching TV. I watched TV while I wrote my dissertation. I cook while I read. I am simply incapable of doing one thing at a time. Yet, Asha demands complete attention. When she is crying or playing or anything, there is absolutely nothing else I can do. She requires complete attention at all times. Even at eight months, she rarely likes to play by herself. She also started crawling around 6 months and 3 weeks. We are yet to babyproof, so I have to watch her to make sure that she is not getting into anything she shouldn’t. Suffice it to say that I have to battle my instincts to multi-task. I sit there with her while she is screaming or crying or playing or crawling or eating and make lists in my mind of all the things I should be doing right now. This is what my mind looks like:

Will she sleep soon? I should take Giggs out. But the kitchen is a mess too. I cannot do anything till she sleeps. Poor Giggs needs someone to play with him. When can I make the bed? What about downloading her pictures off the camera? How about that report which I have to finish reading by tonight? What should I make for dinner? But I cannot do all this unless she sleeps for an hour at least. Will she? I should start by washing her bottles…

2. LACK OF CONTROL: This stems from the first point. I am a control freak. I like to know what I am doing, when etc. I used to make a to-do list every day and check it off as and when they get done. No matter what list I make now, it simply does not get done. It is not an easy lesson to learn but I am trying to adjust to it. You would think that a long and difficult pregnancy would have taught me about lack of control!! But clearly not enough. Lack of control does not sit well with me. Going back to school has helped a little but I have entirely stopped staying at school to work. I am only there for classes, meetings and office hours and come home as soon as I can. Then I wait till she goes to sleep at 9pm to prep, grade, read reports, write, do the bills etc. Days and nights lack all routine. Some nights she sleeps from 9pm-6am with only one 30-minute wake-up in the middle. Other nights she is up by 4am or gets up 2-3 times at night and refuses to go back to bed. I am usually up by 3am waiting for her to wake up. This lack of sleep makes for terribly unproductive days. But by 9pm, I am wired, because I still have a lot to do.
Asha makes me feel unproductive sometimes (which is weird because she is my biggest, most tangible, most ever-present production).

These have been my hardest battles in adjusting to life with a baby. Just starting blogging again is one of the ways in which I hope to assert a tiny bit more control. We will see how successful this is.