Explaining the Hiatus....

Anyone who even thinks this blog exists anymore has to be a very tenacious person. I know I take long breaks from writing but that is not because I do not want to or have nothing to write about. It is just that I have been finding it very difficult to work at all around an extremely inquisitive, high-strung almost 17-month old who sleeps from 9:30pm-6am on a good night and then only naps once a day for an hour.

Anyway, back to the hiatus. To explain/excuse this one, I have to go back to late Nov./early December 2011. We got some very unexpected news at the time – I was/am pregnant. Of course, as in Asha’s case, the pregnancy started off with tons of complications. I will not go into detail – lets just say that for the next 2 months, Gregg and I vacillated between joy and despair, thinking at one second that this was possible and at another that it was over. The physical tiredness which pregnancy brings was extreme but it paled before the mental exhaustion as a result of this yo-yo effect of the pregnancy. Things were made more difficult because we had decided not to tell anyone at all – we did not want to worry anyone in case this turned out badly. This is also when we decided to start Asha in a daycare (more on that on a later date). Even now, the only people that know are immediate family. I decided to put this on my blog now because it is getting impossible to conceal the pregnancy any more (after all I have gained a little more than 10 lbs) and so we are starting to tell people.

Anyway, we survived the first trimester – it is still a blur. I am now 21 weeks in – 19 weeks to go. The due date is July 26^th and Asha will be 21 months old at the time. We are very excited (though cautiously so) and hoping all goes well. In the meantime, a job, a home, a toddler and a pregnancy has been difficult to manage. Therefore, the hiatus…  

Work Routines

I have not been blogging for a long time and am hoping to get back to it. During this summer, I did not blog because I was trying to work on my dissertation without distractions. But this was a far from easy experience. My laptop crashed three times during this time. The first time they managed to fix it and I recovered everything. The second time I lost about half a chapter (I had been backing everything up but unfortunately, could not make myself do it each time I wrote). But the computer was done – its hard drive and memory were fried. So, Gregg and I went out and bought a desktop and I put the dissertation on it. I could not load Endnotes on it though (that is what I had been using for my dissertation) and had to switch my entire Endnotes library to Refworks. It took me a week to switch my dissertation to refworks from endnotes.

Anyway, all of this paid off and finally I am done with the dissertation (except some small changes). But here is the problem: I have developed a routine for work. To work – whether that is grading, prepping classes, reading for the dissertation or writing – I need to sit on my couch with a laptop and the television on. Most people do not believe this. They think it is impossible to read or write with the television on. But this is how I researched and wrote my entire dissertation. So, since the defense I have found myself completely unable to work. This is not exhaustion as everyone keeps telling me. It is simply that I cannot work without a laptop. The desktop is nowhere near the TV and I cannot work when anchored to a spot. It drives me crazy and I can only sit at the computer for about 30 minutes at a time.

So, about 6 weeks after the defense, I finally gave in and bought a new laptop. Nothing fancy or complicated. But tonight I am sitting in front of the TV as I type this and I am so happy. I feel productive again. I wonder whether everyone has a work routine without which they are unable to be productive. I hope so…that would make me less crazy.

Brief Update

I know it seems like I have abandoned this blog. But I think about writing often. However, this past summer, I cut ties with anything that would distract me from the dissertation. I have worked on little else. Now, finally the end is in sight and I will resume blogging after I defend. A tentative date has been set for Sept. 11th (though it may be deferred if necessary). I do not like the date Sept. 11th for a defense - the only worse date would be Friday the 13th!!! So, look for the blog after the defense. In the meantime, I have kept up with all the other blogs and really appreciate your regular writing - it kept me sane and provided a few much-needed distractions.

Oh and btw, I still have the thyme and basil plants - so that experiment was a success.

To Blog or Not To Blog, That is the Question

This morning, Gregg alerted me to this article on the impact of blogging (and YouTube and podcasts) on divorces. State courts have handed down decisions on whether an ex-husband or ex-wife is allowed to blog about the details of their failed marriages. The courts have upheld the bloggers’ rights of freedom of speech. However, the issues are not merely legal; they are ethical and psychological as well.

On one hand, blogging can be cathartic for people. This is especially true for people who are going through a divorce. Thus, it has psychological ramifications. At the same time, blogging is a rather public form of therapy. While it may help the blogger, it could – and often does – hurt the other party. Second, as this article mentions, reading details about their parents’ marriages may hurt the children of these divorces. But, again, divorce is rarely clean, easy and simple and therefore, these blogs are probably not the worst things that children of divorced parents have to endure.

But this got me thinking. What should we blog about? What is off limits? The article mentions that 1 in 10 Americans have a personal blog. On one hand, I believe that anything that gets people to write and read is a good thing. I also like the fact that I can keep in touch with people through the blog as well as know what they have been doing. Blogs are not just news (we could get that through emails or phone calls); they are thoughts, actions and everyday life shared with others. That is what makes them fascinating.

On the other hand, are we too open? Are our lives becoming too public? What thoughts, actions, events and details should we share and what should we not? Do we feel that we are writing for ourselves and our friends while forgetting that a blog remains a public forum?

What do you think? What are the lines? What is off limits for a blog?

Why Do I Like Blogging So Much?

The easy non-analytical answer is: it wastes time. It is a distraction from all the things I should be doing. So, instead of looking for dishes to wash or making unnecessary grocery store runs, I blog. Blogging is simply a good reason not to work on my dissertation!!!

But of course like all academics I want to analyze this answer. So here goes:

Anyone who knows me, knows I love reading fiction even at the busiest times of the year. But I do not read fiction simply for the joy of reading. I read it because it makes me feel good about myself. Reading political theory takes time; reading fiction reminds me that I am still a fast reader. I can read!! I am not simply plodding through, I am making progress!!! It makes me feel like I have achieved something in the day.

Writing can be worse than reading. I feel more reluctant to write than to read – partially because reading is passive and writing is not. I know some of you must have felt the need to tweak a sentence or a paragraph for minutes on end or gotten so frustrated at not getting your point across that you abandoned the endeavor for the day.

Things get worse when you are teaching full-time. With 95 students this semester, I have been feeling the impact of teaching on my dissertation. Try writing at the end of a 9am-5pm day of teaching and what seemed daunting is now impossible. The busy work associated with teaching makes things worse. Answering emails, keeping track of attendance, meetings – they all have to be done and seem easier to get through than writing after a long day of teaching.

But now, I have the blog and it presents some advantages. At least blogging is writing – not academic writing maybe but some variation of writing. Just like reading fiction is not as productive as reading PT but better than pottering around the house, writing a blog may not be the same as writing my dissertation but it is better than not writing at all. Or spending time emailing students.

To be fair, there are other reasons. I look forward to my friends’ blog and so I want to write one too. I also like sharing thoughts and events in my life with friends and family scattered throughout the country. But ultimately, the one which comes to my mind is that it means I am writing – maybe not my dissertation but something. Delusion though this may be, this is the one important reason that jumps out at me. I am writing!!