So, we just put Asha in daycare – for the first time really!!! I mean, we tried it once before but it was one of those commercial places with 4-5 kids in one room. Asha kept getting sick and we were not happy with the ratio of kids to teachers and we pulled her out. But this semester is promising to be AWFUL in terms of work and having no babysitter or daycare is certainly taking its toll on us. Gregg and I have watched her with no help for 15 months but now that she is walking, we CANNOT get anything done when we are with her. She has learnt to open doors and lock herself in, to open cabinets with the completely useless cabinet locks on them and to bang on everything – primarily on computers. Since she goes to sleep at 9:30pm, we do not have much time at night to work and she gets up at 6:30am on a good day. Naptime is used to wash dishes and do laundry – for the whole hour she is asleep. So, I have no time to prep or grade and Gregg can neither read nor write with her around.
But finding the right care for your baby is so very difficult. We interviewed, inquired and advertised. It sucked. But the great news is that we finally found someone. She only watches one other kid and is so sweet. Her own kids go to school and she has lots of toys for Asha to play with. Asha has only been going for 3-4 days and she seems to like it. Right now, we are doing 25-30 hours/week – when I am at work. That is time Gregg gets to get work done and then I get a couple of hours in the evening when Gregg watches her.
I have to say though that daycare has been worse for me than her. This week she only did 20 hours at daycare but this is my last week before school starts next week and I feel SO guilty being home without her. True, I have completed all FOUR syllabi (including a brand new one), cooked every day, went grocery shopping, started a report which I am supposed to turn in next Friday and even had lunch out with Gregg (without Asha for the first time in about a month or more). But I still feel awfully guilty. I feel like I should stay with her when I have a chance and that I am palming her off. I love getting things checked off the list but I hope this guilt gets easier!!
4 comments:
Oh, momma guilt is so tough. If we take care of ourselves, we must be neglecting our children, right? WRONG! Enjoy the time to get other things done - my guess is it makes you a much more happy and present momma when you are with Asha. And the new childcare set up sounds fantastic!
Ah, the guilt. It is my constant companion too, hanging around my neck. Just remember that you have a full-time job that has the flexibility of a part-time job. You worked hard to have it. And she won't remember daycare.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Like Faith says, it makes you more present when you are with her. What is important for Asha is to have parents who are happy and healthy.
I completely agree with everyone. Jill's right and it's a point I often overlook too - we are fortunate to have the setups we do with our jobs but we still do need to get our work done sometimes, and it shouldn't *always* have to be on evenings/weekends. I say, do your best to enjoy the bits of free time you get, and it will make you BOTH appreciate each other even more!
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